In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You're earring is so big in my mouth
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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