he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
