Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
