Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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