I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
