We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
