If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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