there was a trapeze. enough said
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
