sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
