OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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