I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
