love makes seman taste better
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
