At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
