i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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