I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
