Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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