Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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