remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
