What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
