i permit you to call me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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