Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
