I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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