Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize