I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
