is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
