He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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