You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
