Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
