just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
