At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
