dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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