i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
two words: eviction party
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
