Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
