i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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