i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
