If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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