Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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