just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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