dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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