Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just found puke in my bra..
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
