Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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