It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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