Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize