I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
