literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
