This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
