I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
