She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The beer is more important than you right now.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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