I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize