I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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