Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
