Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
