I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Shame - the story of my life.
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