Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
