There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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