I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
