Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
