there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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