Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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