I puked a lego.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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