well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
