This is not my ceiling
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
