i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize