wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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