hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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