Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
