there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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