I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
