There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
