Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
