Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
