VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize