I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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