i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
