seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
