I smell stomach acid.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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