I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize