I'm drive I can fine osifer
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
