I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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