so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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