Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize