She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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