at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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