I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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