I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
