On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
