If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
