God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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