So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
