This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
