And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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