woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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